Listen to the podcast episode on Spotify, Apple Podcast, or YouTube.
I never thought I’d be writing about IVF.
Like a lot of women, I assumed I had time. I was healthy, active, had regular periods, and had no reason to believe getting pregnant would be difficult. When I got married at 39, I figured it would happen naturally. And if it didn’t happen immediately, it would happen eventually.
I was wrong.
After nearly two years of trying, countless doctor’s appointments, tests, and a lot of disappointment, my husband and I decided to move forward with IVF.
One of the biggest surprises throughout this process was realizing how little most people understand about fertility. We spend our entire lives being told how easy it is to get pregnant. Then one day, many of us discover that fertility is far more complicated than we were led to believe.
The first lesson I learned is that fertility is not just a woman’s issue.
When couples struggle to conceive, the attention often immediately shifts to the woman. But it takes two people to make a baby, and male fertility matters just as much. In our case, we discovered that my husband’s past health issues took a toll. It took multiple doctors to explain exactly what our test results meant, both individually and as a couple.
The second lesson is one you’ve probably heard before but may not fully appreciate until you’re in it yourself. If having children is important to you, don’t assume you’ll have unlimited time. Egg freezing is a great option, but it works better if you do it in your 20s vs 30s. I know many women who were unable to use frozen eggs when it came time to make embryos.
Once we decided to move forward with IVF, I became a little obsessed with doing everything I could to give myself the best chance of success.
I stopped drinking completely. I cleaned up my diet. I started acupuncture. I focused on sleep. I used red light therapy. Some of these things are supported by stronger evidence than others, but they all gave me a sense of control during a process that often feels completely out of your control.
One thing I’ve learned about fertility is that there are very few guarantees.
You can do everything “right” and still get disappointing news.
You can also have outcomes that exceed expectations.
Going into my egg retrieval, my doctor estimated they would retrieve somewhere between 8 and 12 eggs. We ended up retrieving 20.
Was that because of all the changes I made? Was it luck? Was it genetics? Was it some combination of everything?
The truth is, I don’t know.
What I do know is that taking care of myself made me feel stronger, healthier, and more prepared for the process.
If you’re currently navigating infertility, IVF, egg freezing, or simply thinking about your future fertility, my biggest piece of advice is this: educate yourself sooner rather than later. Get tested - men especially. Learn about the different tests you will have to go through. From the saline ultrasound and hysteroscopy to deciding which type of transfer you’ll move forward with, I explain everything I went through and the mistakes I made in the podcast episode.
And if there’s one thing this journey has taught me, it’s that options are incredibly valuable.
I’m still in the middle of my fertility story, so I don’t have a neat ending to wrap this up with. What I do have is a lot more empathy for the millions of people walking this road and a desire to be more open about what this process is actually like.
Because chances are, someone you know is going through it too. Feel free to share your stories with me - let’s support one another.
