Why Communication Is Where Most People Go Wrong in Dating
Dating isn’t hard because there aren’t enough options. It’s hard because people don’t know how to communicate.
How many times have you gone on a date and walked away thinking, that felt off, but you couldn’t quite explain why?
A lot of it comes down to how we present ourselves—and how we connect with someone in real time.
In this episode, I sat down with Ian Hawkins, a speaking coach who works with everyone from Netflix to senior politicians, to break down what actually works when it comes to communication in dating.
Why Communication Matters More Than You Think
Most relationship issues don’t come out of nowhere. They start early—with miscommunication, overcommunication, or just not being fully yourself.
Ian made a great point: relationships don’t fail just because they end. They fail when people aren’t being honest about who they are.
And I see this all the time in dating.
People try to be more impressive, more interesting, more “perfect”—and in the process, they lose the thing that actually creates connection.
Stop Performing and Start Being Real
One of the biggest mistakes people make on dates is trying too hard.
You don’t need to present the most polished version of yourself. You need to present the real version.
That means being honest about your interests, your values, and what you’re actually looking for.
Because when you show up authentically, you give the other person permission to do the same.
And that’s where real connection starts.
Don’t Overshare—But Don’t Hold Back Either
There’s a balance here that a lot of people miss.
On one end, you have people who overshare everything on a first date—trauma, exes, life story. It’s too much, too soon.
On the other end, you have people who stay surface-level and never let the conversation go anywhere meaningful.
The goal is somewhere in the middle.
Share stories. Be open. But read the room.
Your date is also trying to get to know you—not sit through a monologue.
Confidence Isn’t What You Think It Is
Confidence on a date doesn’t mean dominating the conversation or trying to impress someone.
It’s about being comfortable with who you are.
Ian talks about having “authority” in how you show up—not control, not performance, just a grounded sense of self.
And when you approach dating as a mutual evaluation—Do I like them? Do they fit into my life?—it takes a lot of pressure off.
You’re not trying to win someone over. You’re seeing if it works.
What Actually Works
If you want better dates, it comes down to a few simple things:
Be real about who you are
Don’t overshare, but don’t hide either
Stay present and engaged in the conversation
Remember—you’re evaluating them too
Final Thought
The best dates don’t feel like interviews.
They feel easy. Natural. Like you can just be yourself.
That’s what you’re aiming for.
And if you’re not getting that? It’s not a match.
Anna
