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Most people have a strong opinion. Some refuse to even consider someone who lives more than 30 minutes away. Others convince themselves that if it’s “meant to be,” the distance won’t matter.
The truth is somewhere in the middle.
On a recent episode of Dating Rehab, I sat down with author Z.E. Silver, whose relationship with his now-wife began long-distance. What I appreciated about his story wasn’t that he tried to convince everyone that long-distance relationships are easy. Quite the opposite. He was incredibly honest about what it actually takes to make one work.
As a matchmaker, I’ve seen long-distance relationships fail for the wrong reasons—and succeed for the right ones. Geography isn’t usually the biggest obstacle. It’s how two people approach the relationship.
Distance Doesn’t Create Problems. It Reveals Them.
One thing Z.E. pointed out really resonated with me.
When you can’t rely on seeing each other every few days, you’re forced to communicate. You actually have to learn how the other person thinks, how they handle conflict, what they’re looking for, and whether your values align.
In some ways, that’s an advantage.
I’ve seen plenty of couples who live in the same city spend months going on fun dates without ever having the conversations that actually determine long-term compatibility.
Distance forces you to build the emotional foundation first.
Be Honest About What You Want
One mistake I see people make is pretending they’re “just seeing where things go.”
If you’re investing time, money, and emotional energy into traveling to see someone, there should be a conversation about what you’re building together.
That doesn’t mean discussing marriage after two dates.
It means asking questions like:
Are we dating exclusively?
Are we both looking for a serious relationship?
Is someone eventually willing to move if this continues to grow?
These conversations aren’t pressure.
They’re clarity.
And clarity saves people months—or even years—of wasted time.
You Need a Plan
The long-distance relationships I’ve seen succeed all have one thing in common.
They aren’t long distance indefinitely.
There is eventually a plan.
Maybe one person relocates.
Maybe work circumstances change.
Maybe it’s six months.
Maybe it’s eighteen.
But both people know they’re working toward closing the gap.
If neither person is willing to move, or the topic keeps getting pushed further into the future, the relationship often starts to feel like it’s standing still.
Hope isn’t a strategy.
A plan is.
Don’t Let Distance Become Fantasy
One challenge with long-distance relationships is that it’s surprisingly easy to fill in the blanks.
When you only see someone for a long weekend every few weeks, everyone is on their best behavior.
You aren’t seeing how they handle stress.
You aren’t seeing what a random Tuesday night looks like.
You aren’t seeing how they interact with friends, family, or coworkers.
That’s why visiting each other is so important.
Don’t just spend every trip on romantic dinners and sightseeing.
See each other’s real lives.
Meet their friends.
Spend time with family.
Run errands together.
Cook dinner.
That’s when you start learning whether you’re actually compatible—not just whether you have chemistry.
Is It Worth It?
Sometimes.
I’ve seen incredible marriages begin hundreds—or even thousands—of miles apart.
I’ve also seen people spend years waiting for someone who never intended to close the distance.
The deciding factor usually isn’t geography.
It’s whether both people are equally invested in building a future together.
If you’re communicating honestly, making consistent effort, seeing each other regularly, and working toward eventually living in the same place, distance doesn’t have to be a dealbreaker.
But if you’re avoiding important conversations because you’re afraid you’ll scare the other person away, the miles between you probably aren’t the biggest issue.
They’re just making it easier to ignore it.
If you enjoyed this conversation, I highly recommend listening to my full episode with Z.E. Silver. We dive much deeper into long-distance dating, communication, expectations, and what it really takes to build a lasting relationship when you don’t live in the same city. You can find Z.E. on Instagram.
